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Am I crazy to write it?
Am I too crazy even to translate it into English?
Anyway here they are.

As long as my Mandarin is as poor as English............just for fun.

3、To learn Vulcan

地球上有位诗人说过,情人是最好的老师。

当进取号的年轻船长JIM KIRK把这句话反过来应用的时候,他犯了一个逻辑错误。这个错误其实微不足道,但如果对象是那个出了名的恪守逻辑的(冷感)外星人Spock,有些事情就会……不,当然不会产生严重的后果,只是不太顺利而已。

“Mr.Spock,能打扰你几分钟吗?”

“我的轮值三秒前刚刚结束,Captain。”Spock挑起一边的眉毛,那意思是说,很明显您知道我有空。

“呃,很好,是这样,我想了解一下,你是否愿意,呃,在你有空的时候,教我一些瓦肯语?”

“您想学瓦肯语?”进取号船长看上去从来都不是好学的人,作为他的大副Spock很清楚这一点。

“是的,作为进取号的舰长,我想掌握一些机组人员使用的语言会对工作,以及……其他的关系,呃,有所帮助。”

“据我所知人类通常会有一种善意的撒谎的本能。这并不是坏事但我想……您的意思是说我的地球语还掌握的不够好,您无法与我毫无阻碍的交流?”Spock认真而专注地看着他,他脸上的表情是一贯的没有表情但Kirk觉得神奇的是他即使不用表情也能让别人明白他的表情。

该死的他很想告诉他的是我们之间交流的障碍根本不是什么语言!


“不,我当然不是这个意思,我只想和我的船员更亲近,你知道,作为舰长,亲和力非常重要。”

大副又挑起了眉毛,Kirk知道那意思是我想您的亲和力已经足够了。

“我很高兴您有这样的意愿,知识对于任何人都非常重要,据我所知进取号上的机组人员共有233名,分别来自52个星系102个星球。所以我想您需要学习的语言一共是101种。”

舰长脸上的笑容有些僵硬了。101种……天啊光是想一想他都觉得头皮发麻。

“哦,那会是个浩大的工程,那么先学瓦肯语如何?你是我的大副,我……”

“Captian,我很乐意教你,但我必须提醒你瓦肯语是一种非常严谨、逻辑严密的语言,地球语中只有法律语言体系可能可以与之相提并论。并且瓦肯语里有很多表达复杂情感的词汇,其中60%的词语对于人类来说可能非常难以理解。因此我建议您……”

该死的他早该想到任何迂回战术用在Spock身上都不会有好结果。去他的101种语言他该知道有些东西根本不需要语言!


Spock还在认真而专注地看着他,介绍着瓦肯语的复杂性和特殊性,天啊有什么办法可以让他停下来吗?他几次试图打断他却一如既往地失败了。拜托至少让他有机会告诉他他根本不想学那该死的101种语言,根本不想加什么舰长的亲和力。他想学的只有瓦肯语而他的目的只是想把老师变情人!Kirk无比烦恼地看着那双漂亮的桀骜不驯得近乎凶猛的眼睛,那一开口就不让别人说话的微翘的嘴……

然后他充分展现了他作为舰长的决断力,迅速而果断地调整了战术,做了那件最不符合逻辑但冲动的地球人通常会做的事:他凑上前去,毫无预警地,用自己的嘴堵住了那张开的唇。

这很危险,尤其是考虑到瓦肯人的力量曾经把他掐到半死。

然而那奏效了。


To Learn Vulcan

A poetry on earth once said, Valentine can make the best teacher.

Apperantly the young captain of Enterprise makes a logic mistake when he tries to put this into practice in a reverse way,which maybe too small to be an error, but when he faces the always logical (sexless) alien Spock……No,nothing serious may occur but just a little bit……frustrating.

“Are you in the middle of something,Mr.Spock?”

“I just came off duty,3 seconds before,Captain.”One of Spock’s eyebrows raises,which means undoubtedly you know I’m not in the middle of anything,Captain.

“Oh,well,I just wanna ask,if you would like to teach me some Vulcan when you are not busy.”

“You hope to learn Vulcan?”Captain of Enterprise has never ever shown his passion for study and Spock,as his first officer knows it better than anyone else.

“Oh,yes,you know,as the Captain of the USS Enterprise,I feel it strongly my responsibility to master languages my crew use,which will surely do good to our work and…..uh,other relationship……”

“As far as I know,human beings are intended to tell a white lie.It’s out of instinct and not that bad……you mean my command of English is not good enough to communicate with you smoothly and accuratly?”Spock looks at him so seriously and attentively as usual and as always.He wears no expression on his face as usual and as always and Kirk finds it amazing that he can make you understand his expression even without any expression on the face.

Dammit he nearly bursts out with,”The difficulty between us never lies in the language!”

“No,no,I just,just want to be closer to my crew,you know, a competent Captain should be approachable.”

Again Spock raise one of his eyebrow,and Kirk knows he means your are approachable enough-if not too much by this.

“I’m glad to hear this,Captain.Knowledge is and shall always be of great importance to any beings.As far as I know, the whole crew contains 233 members,coming from 52 galaxies,102 planes.So I suppose you shall have to learn 101 languages in total.”

Captain’s smile freezes.101 languages……God just think of the number!

“Well,that’s a great programme and will take a long period of time.What about we starting with Vulcan?You are my first officer and I……”

“Captain,I am willing to help you.But before we start I must remind you that Vulcan is a very rigorous and logical language, with which ,only legal language on earth can be compared.Besides,there are so many words expressing complicated feelings which maybe too precise to be understood by human belings.So I strongly recommand you that……”

Damn it! He should have known that beating around bush with Spock wouldn’t do any good . The hell with the 101 languages and he should have known that language means nothing sometimes!

Spock is still gazing at him seriously,explanning the complication and specialty of Vulcan language.Lord anyone can stop him?He tries to interrupt at some time but fails as usual.Please!At least give him a chance to tell him that he has no interest in the god damn 101 languages,neither does he want to increase his affinity.All he want to do is to learn Vulcan and by which he can change his teacher to his valentine!Kirk is really annoyed by those too beautiful and fierce black eyes and that never stopping once starts mouth …….

And finally he shows his decision as a Captain by changing strategy repidly and decisivly.Yes he does what most illogical but most of the human beings usually do: he leans in,comes close to his mouth,without any prior warnings,he seals it with a kiss.

It maybe dangerous, considering he once tried to strangle him.

But it works,in a cheerful way.
Secret

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